What Nobody Tells You About Being a Manager
Readtime: 4 minutes
I was convinced I was doing all the work when I was an Assistant Manager. I looked at the Managers and thought that they just checked everything, had a few conversations, signed things off, and went home.
So when I became a Manager, I thought I’d made it.
I got given a BlackBerry and an expense account. And my boss told me I never needed to get the tube again – taxis were how I got around now… It was time to enjoy the rewards of the hard work I’d put in.
But I soon realised that wasn’t the case at all...
Here’s what most people don’t know before they become a manager.
People, Not Projects
You think you’re stepping up to manage deadlines and projects. But the only thing you can actually manage is people.
The top performer who suddenly goes quiet.
The ambitious analyst who is clearly running on fumes.
The person who is struggling, but won’t open up about what’s going on.
None of this appears on a project plan.
Very little of it appears in your objectives.
But this is where a huge amount of your time and energy goes.
You find your days filling up with conversations you didn’t expect. Someone closes the door and says, “Can I be honest with you?” and that’s 45 minutes gone.
It’s hard work. But in my experience, it’s also the most meaningful part of being a manager.
Decision Fatigue
By 4 p.m. your brain is fried. Not because of one big decision, but because of the constant stream of smaller ones:
Who can move deadlines.
Who can’t.
Who gets time off approved.
Which project gets your best people.
Who is ready for a promotion.
Who isn’t.
You can’t hand these decisions off to someone else because there’s always context that only you have. There are trade-offs with others, and making sure you’re being fair. And then there is the politics.
There’s research to back up the fatigue these back to back decisions cause. A study of over 1,000 parole decisions by judges found that prisoners were far more likely to be granted parole at the start of a session or just after a break. As the sessions went on, the rate of favourable decisions dropped from around 65% to almost zero, before jumping back up again after the judges had eaten and rested.
The conclusion was that people are more likely to default to the easiest/safest option when they’re tired.
Managers live a version of that every day. As the day wears on, it becomes easier to say “no”, to delay, or to stick with the status quo. Not because it’s right, but because your brain is running on empty.
It’s why you often find yourself saying “can’t they just do what I told them”, instead of considering their alternative approach.
The Buck Stops With You
When the team does well, everyone celebrates. Their names are on the slides. Their work is praised. People talk about “the project” and “the team effort”.
But when something goes wrong, it’s your name that people hear about.
You’re the one explaining why a deadline was missed.
You’re the one sitting in the awkward meeting with a client.
You’re the one who has to stand behind the decisions that were made, even when you weren’t involved in all the details.
This reality changes how you think about risk. Things that once felt like minor risks now feel more important. A single missed email, a confused client comment, a gap in the numbers, and your brain jumps ahead to what happens if it snowballs.
Friendships Shift
One day you’re sharing frustrations with colleagues at lunch. The next day you’re their manager.
It doesn’t feel like as much of a shift for you. You know you’re still the same person. You still like them. You still care about them. You still want to be included.
But everything has changed for them.
Small comments from you can suddenly carry a lot of weight.
The group chat goes a bit quieter when you walk into the room.
You haven’t done anything wrong, but you can feel a slight distance opening up. You’re not fully “one of the gang” any more, and you’re not fully part of the senior leadership circle either. You’re somewhere in between.
It can feel a bit lonely. Surrounded by people all day, but with fewer people you feel you can be completely open with.
Your Time Is No Longer Your Own
You used to be able to block out a morning and get your work done.
Now your day fills itself:
1:1s. Team meetings. Updates. “Quick questions”.
Before you know it, you’re in back-to-back meetings all day.
From the outside, it looks like you’re in demand, but the reality is that:
You answer emails while half-listening on calls, not properly paying attention to either.
You review documents late at night.
You do your “thinking” on the weekend, when nobody is asking you for anything.
You Miss Parts Of Your Old Role
There was a time when success meant finishing your own work to a high standard. You could see exactly what you had achieved at the end of the week.
Now your days are full, but you don’t always have something tangible you can point to and say, “I did that”.
Your success, and job satisfaction, depend on what other people do.
That is unsettling, especially if you’ve built your identity on being a reliable, high-performing individual contributor.
Sometimes you wonder whether you were happier when your world was smaller.
The Bottom Line
If you’re not a manager yet, it is harder, messier, and more emotional than it looks from the outside. But it can also be one of the most rewarding jobs you’ll ever do. You get a front-row seat to helping people grow, take risks, and unlock potential they didn’t know they had.
And if you’re already a manager, this is your reminder that you’re not imagining it. The constant decisions, the emotional load, the shifting friendships, the lack of time to think. It’s not just you. The Dunning-Kruger effect kicks in, and the fact that you care enough to worry about whether you’re doing a good job is normally the sign that you really are.
That’s all for this week.
Thanks for reading,
Mostyn
P.S. If your managers could do with some help, email me. I’ve got something new which will help. People are saying:
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