Readtime: 2 minutes
I was lying back in the dentist’s chair a few weeks ago, mouth open, when I said yes to something before I knew it would cost anything.
I was there for a hygienist appointment, and she was part way through when she asked if I’d like to try some new airflow technology thing.
She said it was like jet washing your teeth, and that it was incredible.
She's my usual hygienist, and it sounded great, so I said yes. She got the machine ready and set everything up.
Then, just as she was about to start, she said, "Oh, by the way, it's an extra £30."
My first thought was, well, I'm kind of committed now.
My second thought was whether charging extra had only just occurred to her.
My third thought was that, either way, it was a great upsell.
The yes came first
I've no idea whether the timing was deliberate.
But when I thought about it later, what I'd actually said yes to was having my teeth jet washed. The cost got attached afterwards.
Saying no at that point would have meant taking back a yes, which is a lot harder than not giving one in the first place.
Once you’ve said yes, part of you wants to stay the sort of person who meant it.
There's a well-known experiment on this. In 1978, Robert Cialdini asked students to take part in a study that started at 7am. When they were told the start time upfront, 31% agreed. When they were only told after they'd said yes, 56% agreed, and almost all of them turned up at 7am.
They'd said yes to a slightly different question, but they kept their commitment anyway.
When you're the one asking
Most of us have been on the receiving end of this at work. You agree to take a look at something, and a few weeks later it's a project with your name on it.
But the more senior you get, the more often you're on the hygienist's side of it.
Say you ask someone on your team to put together a short paper for the next leadership meeting, and they say yes. They make a start. Then you mention in passing that it's going to the executive committee too, so it'll need to be a bit more polished. And could it cover the other two regions while they're at it?
That's your "oh, by the way".
Most of the time nobody does this on purpose. The work changes, and the original yes gets carried along with it.
When you're senior, a lot of the people you ask are already in the chair, in the same way I was. And maybe saying no to you has a cost of its own.
Asking again
I didn't mind the £30. It was a small amount, and I like my hygienist.
Next time I'm there, I'll know the price when she asks. And I'll still say yes, because it was as good as she said.
A yes that would survive being asked again is a real one.
Think about a recent yes from someone on your team. If you asked them again today, knowing everything they know now, would you get the same answer?
Thanks for reading.
Mostyn
P.S. I’m writing a book – Outsized Leadership: How to Make a Bigger Impact with Less Effort.
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