You can only see half of what you're turning down
Readtime: 3.5 minutes
Of the three Oasis gigs I nearly missed, only one would have been my fault.
The first was in 1995. I had a £10 ticket for their gig at Gloucester Leisure Centre on 17th September. Then Guigsy (the bassist) walked out of the band, the gig got pulled, and it was rescheduled to 6th October. I went to that one instead.
The second was V Festival in 2009. The band didn't turn up, and six days later Noel walked out of the band in Paris.
The third was last year, when they came back 16 years later. I got through in the main sale, but it was £500 for a ticket at the back of the stadium, 50 times what I'd paid in 1995. So I thought I'd leave it.
Then the FOMO got me. I bought at the last minute, and went with my wife and two really good friends I don't get to see very often. It turned out to be one of the best gigs I've ever been to.
When I was originally weighing up whether to go, I was only thinking about the gig itself. I'd seen Oasis loads of times, it was expensive, and it was a pretty terrible seat.
None of that ended up mattering. What made the night was who I was there with, and that hadn't figured in my thinking at all.
Which is why, of the three near-misses, it's the one I think about. The first two were down to the band, so I could shrug them off. There was nothing I could have done about either.
This one would have been my decision. And that's what I'd have had to live with.
The sensible no
The psychologist Thomas Gilovich asked people which they regretted more: something they'd done, or something they hadn't. When they looked back over the past week, they were roughly split, but looking back over their whole lives, 84% chose something they hadn't done.
I think part of the reason is that the cost of saying yes is easy to see on the day. I knew exactly what a seat at the back of the stadium would cost me. What I couldn't price was what I’d get from the night itself.
The cost of saying no only shows up later, as a "what if". And because you never find out the answer, it never settles.
Which is probably why the regrets that last are the things we didn't do.
At work, the more senior you get, the easier it becomes to say no to new things, because you’re better at finding reasons and making them sound like good judgement.
You also have more to protect. A friend told me she skipped the Oasis reunion because she thought it might spoil the memory of seeing them years ago. I suspect leaders make a version of that decision all the time, turning things down because they might put a good track record at risk.
None of which means saying yes to everything. The more senior you get, the more you have to say no, and most of those decisions will be right. The hard part is telling which one you'll end up regretting.
The role I nearly turned down
The biggest sensible 'no' I nearly gave at work was to becoming Head of People for a large part of KPMG's business.
Like the Oasis ticket, the cost was easy to see. The role I was being handed was mostly process: salaries and bonuses, promotions, the performance management cycle, headcount planning and recruitment. All of it necessary, and a lot of hassle.
What I couldn't see was what I'd make of it.
I decided those processes were only half the job, and that the other half was making my part of the business a much better place to work. That played far more to what I was actually good at, and it was much closer to how I wanted to lead.
I didn't ask anybody, I just started doing it. Over the first two years, the engagement scores for my part of the business roughly doubled. I don't think all of that was down to me.
But if I'd said no, I'd have been turning down the version of the role I was handed, not the one I ended up doing.
I think that's what makes the sensible no so easy at work. The cost is fixed on the day you decide, but the value depends partly on what you do with it. So the value is the part you can't see yet.
Which brings me back to Oasis.
A couple of weeks ago, they announced 38 dates for 2027. I tried to get tickets when they went on sale at the weekend, but they'd sold out by the time I got through.
I think I can live with that one because at least I tried.
Is there a job, role or talk you nearly turned down? I'd love to hear about it. Just hit reply.
Thanks for reading.
Mostyn
P.S. In case you missed it, I’m writing a book on how to make a bigger impact with less effort as a leader.
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