Are You Chasing Someone Else’s Dream?
Readtime: 4 minutes
Quickly, before we start…
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Are You Chasing Someone Else’s Dream?
Ambition is a powerful force – it gives us purpose, drive, and direction.
But what if the goals driving you aren’t your own?
It’s a question we rarely stop to ask because we assume our ambitions are deeply personal.
However, many of us unknowingly adopt dreams from family, society, or peers that don’t truly reflect what we want, leading to an unfulfilling life.
In today’s newsletter, I’ll help you uncover whether your ambitions are truly yours – and what to do if they aren’t.
Let’s dive in.
The Inherited Ambition Problem
From a young age, our environment shapes us. Parents, teachers, and society subtly nudge us:
“You’d make a great doctor.”
“Success means a six-figure salary.”
“Starting your own business is the modern dream.”
Over time, these external voices become internal expectations, leading us to chase definitions of success that don’t reflect who we are.
The result?
Dissatisfaction – Achieving goals that feel meaningless.
Burnout – Pushing for milestones that don’t energise you.
Regret – Realising too late that the dream wasn’t yours to begin with.
Signs You Might Be Living Someone Else’s Dream
Wondering if you’re on the wrong path?
Here are some red flags to watch for:
You’re Driven by “Shoulds”
If your inner dialogue is full of “I should go for that” or “This is what everyone wants,” it’s worth asking where those expectations come from.Your Wins Feel Hollow
Achieving your goals should feel deeply satisfying. If success leaves you feeling empty or indifferent, that’s a sign the dream might not be yours.You’re Envious, Not Inspired
Envy is often a clue that you’re comparing yourself to someone else’s path rather than focusing on your own.You’re Not Inspired About the Future
When your ambitions don’t align with your true desires, envisioning the future can feel overwhelming or unappealing.
Here’s How to Reclaim Your Ambition
If you think you’re chasing someone else’s dream, don’t worry – you’re not alone and it’s never too late to realign.
Here’s how:
Question the Origin of Your Goals
For each ambition, ask: Where did this come from? Why do I want it? If your answers lead back to societal expectations or other people’s approval, it’s time to reevaluate.Conduct a "Regret Audit"
Look at decisions you’ve made over the last 5 – 10 years. Where have regrets appeared? This reflection can reveal patterns of when you’ve followed others’ paths versus your own.Ask “What if Everyone Disapproved?”
For each ambition, ask yourself: Would I still want this if nobody supported it or even if they disapproved? This cuts through external validation to find what truly matters to you.Confirm Your Success Metrics
Define what’s important to you. Is it financial security, personal growth, joy, or creating meaningful impact? True success should resonate deeply and feel fulfilling.Imagine Your Life Backwards
Picture yourself at the end of your life and work backward. What decisions today would your future self be most proud of? This exercise can clarify what truly aligns with your values.Find a Contrarian Role Model
Find someone who succeeded by breaking away from conventional paths in your field. Study their decisions to inspire new directions for your ambitions.Start a “What Excites Me” Log
For the next month, jot down any idea, task, or experience that excites you. Look for patterns to uncover hidden drivers of your personal ambitions.Invent Your “Unthinkable” Goal
Dare to dream bigger than you ever have before. Write down the most ‘unthinkable’ goal you’ve suppressed, and consider one actionable step to bring it closer to reality.
My suggestion is to do these in sequence, but the important thing is to get started. Just start with the one that feels best for you right now.
That’s it!
In Summary
Congratulations – you’re now equipped to identify and realign your ambitions:
Recognise the signs of inherited ambitions, like hollow wins or “should” thinking.
Reflect on what truly matters to you, questioning the origins of your goals.
Be brave enough to pivot when your path doesn’t align with your passions.
Remember – the most fulfilling ambition is the one that feels like your own.
On a Personal Note
When I was a partner at KPMG, I spent years chasing what I thought was the ultimate goal: seniority in a prestigious firm.
And I loved it – for a while. But as time went on, I realised my definition of success had shifted. What mattered most to me wasn’t the title or the paycheck – it was having the freedom to build something entirely my own.
Leaving that career wasn’t easy, as I had a brilliant time at KPMG (and would recommend the firm to anyone). But stepping away allowed me to pursue a path that truly aligns with my passions: helping others achieve their own ambitions in ways that feel meaningful to them.
Looking back, I’m grateful I had the courage to ask: Am I chasing someone else’s dream?
“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?”
This quote serves as a powerful reminder to focus on an ambition that truly matters to you.
In January, I’m bringing together ambitious people like you who want to create more free time, money, and impact.
Join 137 others on the limited waitlist here to secure your spot and an exclusive early-bird discount.